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(This is an ancient column I just found, but represents a great service to humanity, so I republish it.)

I’m trying to figure out sex, and why people get in an uproar about it, and run around waving their arms and hollering, and everybody’s mad at everybody else.

It’s because men can’t tell sex from tennis. We can’t help it. It’s a character defect built into us, like tail fins on a fifty-seven T-Bird.

Yep. That’s it. I’ve just solved the question of the ages. Right here. Contributions welcome.

Best I can tell, ninety-eight percent of women are mad because all men want is sex. (Actually we want other things too, like big-block engines, dogs, and really bad movies with lots of gratuitous violence.) On the other hand, men are ready to become monks. It’s because they can’t talk to a woman for five minutes on a bus before she wants commitment. To a woman commitment seems so obviously good that she can’t see why he’d rather have pellagra. Which is what men think about sex. So the two glare at each other like two possums with only one garbage can.

It’s too bad. A lot of people end up being unhappy because of it.

The problem, it says here, is that to men sex is a primal drive that doesn’t have much emotional content. It’s just sex. It’s like when you have athlete’s foot, you scratch it, but you don’t have an emotional bond to it. Sure, a guy can commit to a woman, as evidenced by innumerable marriages that happen despite experience and common sense. Sex can have emotional importance to him with a woman he wants to keep. But he doesn’t have a hard-wired connection between sex and commitment. To him they’re separate things, like jackhammers and Vienna sausages. You can have both at the same time, but you don’t have to.

By contrast, for women, sex seems epoxied to a lot of emotional freight. A woman sees sex as a step toward commitment, as fifty years ago a man saw commitment as a step toward sex. When the man doesn’t see the connection, she thinks he’s just plain wrong-headed, and mean spirited, and a nickel-plated sumbitch.

Which brings us to tennis. (Bet you didn’t see that coming.)

Men think of sex the way they think of tennis. Suppose I want to work off some energy. I call my buddy Ralph, and we meet at the courts, and have a good time for a few sets — sweat and grunt, twist our ankles, fall down and break things, and end up in a mild coma.

When we’re through, he doesn’t want me to marry him. When in fact I don’t, he doesn’t feel exploited. In fact, he feels deeply relieved.

That’s how men look at sex. A man genuinely doesn’t understand why he can’t say to the young lady in the next cubicle, “Hey, Jane, what say we go to my place at lunch for a roll in the hay?” (“Fred — you’ve got hay at your place?”) He may like Jane, think she’s bright and fun, have no slight desire to exploit, use, or degrade her. They may have been friends for years. But if he made what would seem to him a perfectly reasonable suggestion, she would explode and file at least a dozen lawsuits.

Yet he knows that she isn’t opposed to sex, and isn’t opposed to him. If he took her to three movies, so that the whiff of commitment hung heavy in the air, like methane over a summer swamp, she’d be worried if he didn’t make the suggestion. So why not . . . ?

He doesn’t get it.

The woman’s lack of the tennis instinct, or the man’s possession of it, complicates life for everyone. It ain’t her fault. It ain’t his fault. It’s how we are.

To aggravate things, we’re timed all wrong, like streetlights in New Jersey. After a certain age, somewhere around thirty, a woman’s interest in commitment rises, while a man’s declines — just as a man’s sex drive declines as hers rises. (Actually, sex may be a vast practical joke. If there’s a better explanation, I haven’t heard it.) Guys who are single in their mid-thirties are frequently comfortable with bachelorhood or, having been raped in the divorce courts, attached to it as tenaciously as panicked barnacles. And so guys, not looking for marriage, go into relationships knowing that they are going to end miserably. Three months, and the Marriage Monster raises its fanged head. It’s as predictable as morning.

Somehow having a mate seems much more crucial to women than to men. A guy with a girlfriend may figure she’s peaches, better than a competition yo-yo with extra strings. He may be proud of her and proud of himself for having her. If the Red Army attacked her, he’d leap in front of her like a spring-wound damned fool and die a pointless but gaudy death. (That too is built in.) But she will still be only a part of his world, along with motorcycles, the job, great software, rock climbing, or drinking beer and talking dirty with other guys.

Maybe this is why men are happier than women with intermediate degrees of commitment. If Willie Bob starts dating Maggie Lou, and she’s fun, he’ll just naturally keep on doing it. Left to himself, two years later or twenty, he would still be dating her, and be perfectly happy. His attitude is that if it works, why meddle with it? He doesn’t see dating as having to Go Somewhere like an evicted tenant. Depending on how much company he really wants, he may figure seeing her three times a week, and being left alone the rest of the time, is just right. He isn’t exploiting her. He’s just happy as things are.

She won’t see it this way, or at least not for long. It’s not because there’s anything wrong with her, or with women, or for that matter with men. We’ve just got different operating systems. What she sees as God’s intended result of dating, so clearly right as not to be examined, he sees as at best an unnecessary complication, at worst as giving up title to his house. He asks the, to him, reasonable questions: “Gee, Maggie, what would be better if we got married? Would sex be better? Food? What’s your point?” He’s genuinely puzzled. She thinks he’s being exploitative, that she has been had again, another five years wasted, men, the bastards.

There’s got to be a better way. I just don’t know what it is.

 
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• Category: Ideology • Tags: Political Correctness, Sex 
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  1. I’m a woman of 74, and since living in South America, have had sex for first time in 28 years! Totally I experienced! But I finally “get” what you’re talking about….that old difference between men and women and sexual expectations. I don’t to bother with commitments NOW! It’s just been a super, nice COVID-19 distraction!! Sure glad I figured it out before I died! Thank goodness I understand young Latino joven. No strings.

    • Thanks: Badger Down
  2. One explanation for this difference in outlook between the sexes is what’s called sociobiology. This school of thought starts with the evolutionary view: Each individual is supposedly programmed to ensure that (s)he gets as many of his/her genes into the next generation as possible. The difference is that when a baby girl is born, she has all the eggs in her ovaries that she will ever have, whereas when a boy reaches puberty, he begins to produce an almost literally infinite number of sperm cells. Hence, women are genetically inclined to be more selective about their selective partners because they have fewer chances to get it right, and because they’re the ones who actually carry children, to see a closer link between physical and emotional intimacy, since they’re programmed by evolution to attach more importance to having help from a mate.

    The obvious flaw in all of this is that it assumes that the only purpose to sex is procreation. We have known since well before Freud’s time that this is not true. A person’s sexuality is bound up with the entire structure of his/her personality, so sexual behavior and self-expression are inseparable from one’s entire personhood. Additionally, in today’s world of technology, heavy lifting capability is no longer necessary to making a living, which means that women no longer depend on male breadwinners. So be of good cheer, Fred, the models of male and female sexuality that you describe are obsolete in today’s world, and in fact more and more men and, perhaps to an even greater extent, women, are discarding them.

    • Replies: @showmethereal
  3. ruralguy says:

    As professor Harold Hill once said, “if you pile up enough tomorrows, and you’ll find you are left with nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays.” That’s single life. Married life brings contentment.

    • Replies: @Sulu
  4. Beats me dude. I’m also sure there has got to be a better way but I don’t know what it is. One thing I am pretty sure of is all these intellectual theories about male and female sexuality are a bunch of crap.

  5. By contrast, for women, sex seems epoxied to a lot of emotional freight. A woman sees sex as a step toward commitment, as fifty years ago a man saw commitment as a step toward sex.

    Women need to monetize that commodity, her snatch, before it gets past the stale date and for most, that means marriage. That’s why the desperation to ‘commit’. Poor angels. As if they wouldn’t be off and running if there was a better deal in the next guy to come along, or the next. It’s what ‘I’m not haaaaappy’ wife-initiated divorces are all about, too.

    It’s what women do, it’s what they are, we’re ultimately only arguing price. For that snatch, that is.

    • Replies: @bayviking
  6. sulu says:

    Women feel exploited by sex because the end goal of 90% of them is to take your house from you and whatever you have in your bank account. If they are giving up the tail but not married they know they have little chance of doing this so they logically want to see quick and immediate progress towards this goal. When men don’t cooperate they are highly suspicious that men know what their end goal is and are pissed they gave up the tail and are not going to get the big payoff.

    Remember guys the goal of a woman isn’t marriage. It’s divorce. But the marriage must come first. The relationship between men and women is chiefly adversarial. Men that haven’t figured out this little fact are very apt to get burnt. Best thing to do is treat women like rental cars. Don’t bother with maintenance and simply enjoy the ride till the wheels come off. Then go get another one.

    As my dear old pappy once told me, “Never trust a skirt.” Pop was fairly sparing in his use of words.
    Or to put it another way, “Stupid men finish up in divorce court. Smart men finish up on her face.”

    You’re welcome.

    Sulu

  7. Anonymous[182] • Disclaimer says:

    Perhaps it’s no accident that the commonly used slang term for sexual intercourse among the Cockneys of London (UK) is “getting your oats”.

  8. Franz says:

    The problem, it says here, is that to men sex is a primal drive that doesn’t have much emotional content.

    Or as the demented junkie Lenny Bruce put it:

    “Men can do it with mud.”

    Backing up the practical joke theory is Victor Hugo:

    “Love is the foolishness of men and the wisdom of God.”

  9. My God, I just wandered into the 1950’s….
    But sure, there’s always some truth in a cliche….
    My rule of thumb — a woman’s initial desire for commitment rises or falls on a sliding scale between his money (& status etc) & her money.
    “Wavering between the profit and the loss In this brief transit where the dreams cross
    The dreamcrossed twilight between birth and dying”

  10. Sex and tennis? Ya, there is grunting, sweating, arguing, losing balls etc.. but mostly when you lose really bad it is called ‘love’.

    Also I wonder if Fredo meant 1957 Chevy which had really big fins as fitting his metaphor better though the T-bird (and almost any other model) also had fins.

    I forget the source now but some funnyman stated that instead of getting married why not just find a bitch that you really can’t stand and buy her a house. A relative of an acquaintance of mine was single guy who lived in his own house. In due time he met a girl and she moved in with him under the arrangement that she buy the groceries and pay the internet/electrical bill and he would take care of the mortgage, all other utilities, taxes and household repairs. It was roughly him with $3000 a month and her with $600. They never married.

    During the roughly 5 years they were together he retired the mortgage but unfortunately the relationship soured and she moved out. Within a year he gets a lawyer’s letter from the girl claiming a 50% interest in the appreciation of the value of the house during their time together. Although a fairly modest house, in the crazy Toronto real estate market the appreciation came to $500K.

    They went to court, he lost and now instead of the paid off house he had several years ago he has a $250K mortgage on it that he had to take out to pay her off. I guess in tennis terms this would be a “service” game won by his opponent.

    Cheers-

    • Replies: @Escher
    , @DrCiber
    , @Bill Jones
  11. @John Goldberg

    What you wrote is true – but to the last sentence the issue is families are foundation of a stable society. Discarding the family is the breakdown in society. Generations ago – people didn’t stay married for “happiness”. Let’s be real. Once the kids came and a woman no longer desired sex – men went to visit brothels. Now of course that is dangerous – especially from an STD stand point… In many other cases they simply took a younger mistress. But he wasn’t going to abandon his family – and deep down the woman knew but didn’t really care that much. Change in divorce laws in the west – changed that paradigm. In fact in some cultures the joke older women would tell their daughters about sex was hopefully the man would take a mistress when you get older so you don’t have to have sex.

  12. Escher says:
    @Timur The Lame

    Dad gummit! So even cohabitation isn’t safe.

  13. Resartus says:

    In fact in some cultures the joke older women would tell their daughters about sex was hopefully the man would take a mistress when you get older so you don’t have to have sex.

    So older women don’t care for sex….
    Maybe we should retire the meme “Cougar”…..

    Also, on for males rid the world of the social more of: Half plus 8…

  14. DocDictum says:

    Women wish to mold men as with putty. They FULLY expect change will result in a manner as they wish following marriage. Woe be unto the man that resists. Of course, there are some women with a laissez-faire attitude but they are in the minority. My attitude is she is entitled to her independence and I to mine in certain respects; yet all too often the reverse does not fly. Fine, see ya around. Yes, I am single and will remain so.

  15. anonymous[155] • Disclaimer says:

    Sex is about getting rid of mutation load which can not be accomplished by single individual.

    • Replies: @sulu
  16. @sulu

    “If you are already getting the milk for free, why buy the cow?”. That’s the way it’s often put. No offense to either sex there, or cows, for that matter.

    Another one is “if it flies, floats, or fucks, renting is better than buying.” That doesn’t apply if you want a good family though.

    • Agree: sulu
    • LOL: Escher
  17. The ancient columns beat all hell out of the new Fred Reed ones, I’m sorry to say. I don’t know exactly what year or decade even, he means by “ancient” here, but Feminism has only gotten stupider since the time of his writing.

    As an answer to the dilemma posed in this column, the answer is simple and obvious if a man doesn’t want children. The problems have been well pointed out already in the comments. However, to keep civilization going there must be families, and marriage is the best solution that has been developed. It’s not ideal, but it’s the best we’ve got.

    What we have run into over the last 5-6 decades in this country is that the same ctlr-left, Commies, whatever you want to call them, who have destroyed nations before, have been on this Long March through the American institutions without most Americans spending the effort to care. Destruction of the nuclear family is Job 1 for these people, and feminism is their best tool in their toolbox of evil.

    America’s way out of this and best solution for the problem pointed out in this old column, which is MUCH WORSE today, is to terminate feminism with extreme prejudice.

    .

    PS: If you are really interested, the Peak Stupidity blog has published a 10-part debunking (“fisking” is the ancient blog-terminology) of an article by a piece of work called Chabeli Carrazana that is just an perfect encapsulation of feminist stupidity as related to economics:

    Part 1
    Part 2
    Part 3
    Part 4
    Part 5
    Part 6
    Part 7
    Part 8
    Part 9
    Conclusion.

    (The article itself is called “America’s First Female Recession”.)

    • Replies: @Sulu
    , @awry
  18. @sulu

    From Season 6, Episode 12 – Aired January 3, 2013 on the Big Bang Theory:

    Sheldon: My father used to say that a woman is like an egg salad sandwich on a warm Texas day.

    Alex: What?

    Sheldon: Full of eggs and only appealing for a short time.

    • LOL: Sulu
  19. I realized a long time ago that our culture destroys most women who are raised in it. I don’t waste any time paying any attention to what most of them say or do. I expect that as my generation ages there will be epidemic levels of unhappiness, alcohol and drug abuse as well as suicide among the women in my age group.
    I am hoping to avoid as much of it as I can.

  20. Sulu says:
    @ruralguy

    If you are content to have the Sword of Damocles hanging over your head be my guest. Even if you were lucky enough to get that one woman in 100 whose plan wasn’t to tack your financial hide on the bard door you still have to deal with the fact that she can do it any time she wants.

    A story about the brother of a friend of mine might be instructive. He had been married for decades and was reasonably happy, I suppose. Then his wife turned about 50 and started going through the change of life. She totally freaked out and started insisting that everything had to change so she filed for the big D. She turned her husband’s life into living hell for about a year till the divorce was finalized. No doubt it cost him a small fortune. Then about a year after that I guess she had calmed down so she goes back to her ex and tells him it was all a big mistake and she wants to marry him again. Now my friend’s brother is not the sharpest implement in the shed but even he was smart enough not to re-marry her.

    Moral of the story. If you are a married man you are not safe. So why the hell would you voluntarily put yourself in a position when a woman can bring the courts in your life and take money from you?
    Courts are all one sided in favor of women. If things were reversed and women had to give up the kids to their husband and give him her house and pay him child support the marriage rate would drop to near zero. But marriage is a great scam for women. IMHO only dumb men go for it.

    Sulu

  21. Sulu says:
    @Achmed E. Newman

    What we have run into over the last 5-6 decades in this country is that the same ctlr-left, Commies, whatever you want to call them, who have destroyed nations before, have been on this Long March through the American institutions without most Americans spending the effort to care. Destruction of the nuclear family is Job 1 for these people, and feminism is their best tool in their toolbox of evil.

    America’s way out of this and best solution for the problem pointed out in this old column, which is MUCH WORSE today, is to terminate feminism with extreme prejudice.

    EXACTLY!

    Another word for commies is Jews.

    Sulu

    • Replies: @Asher
  22. @Sulu

    So how is the race to procreate and survive into the future? Kids out of wedlock?

    • Replies: @sulu
    , @Truth
  23. DrCiber says:
    @Timur The Lame

    There isn’t a pussy on the planet worth that kind of treachery. Unfortunately there are hundreds of millions of females that consider it their birthright.

  24. ruralguy says:
    @Sulu

    In a good marriage, your family becomes your focus, instead of a self focus that most single people develop. Good communication and a focus on everyone in the family creates very strong bonds. Without a family, you’ll live in isolation, with no one to share your experiences. Without that feedback from a family and constant communication, thoughts become detached from reality. Being single isn’t healthy — it’s a self-imposed solitary confinement.

    • Replies: @Anonymous
    , @sulu
    , @Truth
  25. @Sulu

    This happened to a very good friend of mine. I thought that it was stupid and unfortunate and so on until I stumbled upon a site about peri-menopause, (www.perimenopause.blogspot.com) IIRC.

    I was gobsmacked! I think we all think we know something about the ‘change’ but there is a new phenomenon going on with women born in the 1950’s + where a certain percentage of them go through actual brain hard-wiring where they start to really, really hate their husbands and blame them for their unfulfilled lives and lack of love transgressions such as not sending flowers every day.

    This site was run by a mean spirited woman who had gone through this herself, and she bans men’s posts (unless they are apologetic and weepy) and other women kick in to the point that you realize that this isn’t a one-off. She is some kind of credited expert in this fledgling field and she states clearly that women should understand that they will never revert to their previous selves.

    By co-incidence after this I had my stereo headphones on while cutting wood and a talk show lady came on with a guest lady doctor to discuss this very issue. The doctor was a reasonable person and went on to explain that all the chemical exposure (especially in the kitchen) starting in the 50’s exposed women’s brains to changes that kick in when estrogen levels drop off and up to 25% of women will experience nothing short of becoming another person and not a very nice one at that. These women also pretty much abandon their children who would be fairly mature at this point at any rate. Most men are totally blindsided. The children stick with the father because they too see that mom has gone nuts. One fellow wrote an e-book called ” Where Did My Wife Go” for anyone interested in looking into this further.

    I am surprised that this phenomenon is so little known and only passed on by ‘bitch’ stories but I suspect that the lawyer guild sees great fees in the status quo because in a sane world this could by my reading be legitimately classified as a form of mental disability. In light of this I don’t blame women any more than I would blame anyone else with an organic brain disease or legitimate autism cases whose condition, in my opinion is caused by the same subtle exposure to chemicals at the fetal stage.

    Consider this as a too late for some public service announcement.

    Cheers-

    • Replies: @sulu
  26. Anonymous[147] • Disclaimer says:
    @ruralguy

    As a rural gal, I second everything you’ve said, Rural Guy. My grandparents were married for 62 years, my parents have been married 44 years and counting, and I’ve been married for 12 years and looking forward to dozens more years.
    God Bless!

    Oh, to all you other jaybirds who don’t understand why women view sex differently than men —

  27. sulu says:
    @ruralguy

    Being single isn’t healthy

    Having your house and money taken from you isn’t healthy either. And if by single you mean alone, well I have lived with half a dozen women over the years and have had short term liaisons with hundreds more. Being single doesn’t have to mean being alone.

    The guy in the story I mentioned earlier actually had to go to the doctor during his divorce and get put on beta blockers because of his racing heartbeat no doubt due to the stress. So it sounds to me like getting married can negatively influence your health.

    Another little story, if you will permit me. I lived for about 20 years or so in S.E.A. I was back in the states for a visit and was seeing one of my friends. I showed him a picture of a little 20 year old hottie that I was dating. I was about 40 at the time. He had a wife just a few years older than my gf but she was about a 5 while my gf was about an 8. The first thing my friend asked was, “Is she a prostitute?”
    Intending to bait him I asked him what he meant. He replied, “Are you paying for it?” I asked him if his wife worked. I knew she didn’t. He said no. Then I asked him if he was fucking her. Of course he was. He then asked, “Are you saying my wife is a prostitute?” I told him no, she is a housewife which means in a few years she will probably divorce you and take your house. About 3 years later she divorced him and took his house. Of course by then I was long finished with my little hottie. But when she left she took with her only the clothes and shoes I had bought her.

    Moral of the story…Men trade money for sex and women trade their ass for money. The Western world tries to pretty it up and call it marriage. But it’s still prostitution. As a matter of fact it’s the most lucrative form of prostitution for the woman and the worst for the man because when the woman wants to she can take a hell of a lot out of your ass. Men that have never left the first world just don’t understand it. But for those of us that have traveled the world and spent time in S.E.A. the picture is very clear. Marriage is a first world scam intended to prop women up and destroy men. Oh, I suppose a hundred years or so ago it was more equitable. But the rise of feminism and the greed of the parasites that run the so called justice system have made it a financial nightmare for men. You have to be a chump to sign up for it.

    Sulu

    • Replies: @elysianfield
    , @Corrupt
  28. sulu says:
    @Timur The Lame

    Women are already more crazy than men. That’s their normal baseline. When their pussy dries up and they realize the ride is over more than a few totally freak out and become a different even more crazy person.

    One of my early epiphanies concerning women happened to me in my early twenties. I was in college and spending the night with a cute little blonde I was seeing. I noticed after we woke up she was really mad about something. After a bit of coaxing she told me she had a dream that I had cheated on her. I started laughing and telling her it was only a dream but this only seemed to make it worse. As I persisted in telling her it was only a dream she countered by saying that it was something I would probably do. She stayed mad at me for an hour or more till I decided the best thing for me to do was leave. That was one of my early lessons into the psychology of women and it proved they are not like us at all. They are running on emotion as opposed to logic and that gives them a more tenuous grip on reality.

    Sulu

  29. sulu says:
    @Commentator Mike

    I really doubt the fucking and the births are going to slow down one bit just because people don’t have a little piece of paper from the government. Things will simple evolve into something else. Considering the world we live in today I don’t really consider it much of an existential threat to worry if marriage as an institution is going to survive.

    Now, coronal mass ejections, pandemics, asteroid impacts, nuclear war and the I.R.S. are the things I tend to worry about.

    Sulu

  30. sulu says:
    @anonymous

    Sex is about getting rid of mutation load which can not be accomplished by single individual.

    Your haploid heart will tell on you
    It tends to make your babies blue
    You try and try the whole night through
    But your genes will tell on you.

    Sung to the tune of Your Cheating Heart by Hank Williams

    Sulu

    • Replies: @Mustapha Mond
  31. @sulu

    “Your haploid heart will tell on you”

    Ahhhhhhh, yes.”Your Haploid Heart”. By James Tiptree, Jr. What a great story!

    Amazingly, I still have it in the collection, “World’s Best Science Fiction 1970”, edited by Harlan Ellison. The book is around 45 years old now, well-worn, well-loved.

    Ellison’s own work, “A Boy and His Dog” is also in the collection, which clearly sports some truly great SF (from a time I suspect many of us today would gladly return to, if we could…….. )

    • Replies: @sulu
  32. sulu says:
    @Mustapha Mond

    James Tiptree Jr. the pen name of Alice Sheldon. One of the few truly great female science fiction writers. I think my favorite of hers is I’ll Be Waiting For You When The Swimming Pool Is Empty. I was probably 12 or 13 when I found it so it was a tad bit advanced for me. What a well constructed story. Another great one is The Girl That Was Plugged In. Truly a story ahead of it’s time. About 50 year ahead I would estimate.

    Sulu

    • Replies: @Mustapha Mond
  33. @sulu

    Didn’t know that about Tiptree/Sheldon. Very cool to learn. Thanks!

    IMHO, you can add Ursula K. Le Guin to that short list of truly great female SF writers, with “Lathe of Heaven” and countless others gems…….

    • Replies: @sulu
  34. sulu says:
    @Mustapha Mond

    Yes, I agree. Ursula K. Le Guin is great also. One of the things that impressed me about Sheldon is that for years no one knew she was a woman and she was going to receive an award for one of her stories concerning a female character she created. Some one wrote that for a man she had extreme insight into the female mind so because of that she felt she couldn’t accept the award. This added to the controversy surrounding her because she wouldn’t appear at conventions. Some years later it came out she was a woman.

    Here’s the funny thing. When I made that little stanza I had completely forgotten about the story of the same name. I was just making a joke because gametes are haploid cells so I made the song about genetics. Only when you responded did I remember the old story by James Tiptree Jr. Man that goes way back for me. More than 40 years.

    I can understand why Sheldon chose an unmistakably male name as her pen name. Almost all writers of sci-fi are men and most of the women that do write aren’t any good. She knew she would lose sales if she put her real name on her work. Some people would pass her by because they would assume a woman couldn’t write. I am very glad that she could write because she is probably my favorite female sci-fi author. She always had a great perspective with everything she wrote. Quite a talent. Sadly she committed suicide with her husband in 87 because of their failing health.

    If you haven read I’ll Be Waiting For You When The Swimming Pool Is Empty you need to give it a look. If was the first time I encountered her work and I still think it’s one of her best short stories.

    Sulu

    • Replies: @Truth
    , @MEH 0910
  35. bayviking says:
    @Jim Christian

    You are certainly partially correct, and very possibly characterizing the majority of marriages in our insane Capitalist society. But the fact remains some women make more than men and the only thing Clinton’s child support lawyers care about is collecting as much child support and alimony matching Federal funds as possible.

    There are more types of women than you pretend. Free love is a good thing.

  36. Truth says:
    @Commentator Mike

    That’s a good question, Zulu. I did not even scroll down to peruse your, I am certain, brilliant response, before leaving a comment. I can’t wait though.

  37. Truth says:
    @ruralguy

    That is absolutely right!

    Men get married, in part, to lesson their own self-worship.

    The richest guy I know well, is a multi-millionaire, real estate agent/ developer in Beverly Hills. The guy is and always has been single, he has multiple cars, trips around the world and all that…

    He literally puts 30 pictures of his dog on his FB weekly.

  38. Truth says:
    @sulu

    Yes, I agree. Ursula K. Le Guin is great also. One of the things that impressed me about Sheldon is that for years no one knew she was a woman

    Do you think anyone does now?

  39. Mom and Dad married in 1955. The last thing 95 y/o Dad did before he breathed his last was to squeeze 92 y/o Mom’s hand. After 64 years of marriage. Thank God he died a few months before the lockdown.

  40. Wow! Fred was once a tiny bit witty? I never would have guessed it from his columns of the past 5 years.

    This column though? It wasn’t funny But it was kinda sorta witty. Sorta. Kinda.

    Fred, maybe run a column from 10 years before this one? Were you funny then?

    Try it. Let’s see.

    • Replies: @sulu
  41. Asher says:
    @Sulu

    I’m sorry, but the notion of poor gullible goyim being tricked by dastardly jews into communism is just ridiculous. Yes, jews have always been disproportionately involved in radical political movements but your overstatements are just counterproductive, as they simply misrepresent the general role of human folly in those movements.

    Communisms final goal is collective human divinity, and that desire can be found in all peoples – its not just a Jewish thing.

    • Replies: @Sulu
  42. Sulu says:
    @Asher

    I’m sorry but the most charitable thing I say say about you is that you are abysmally ignorant and totally misinformed about the role of Jews in today’s world. Another possibility is that you are doing damage control for the tribe and are therefore being completely disingenuous. In either case you don’t know what the hell you are talking about.

    Sulu

  43. @sulu

    Well,
    I long ago understood the financial incentives a woman has for “commitment”. Men want/need sex, woman want/need security. I was married 49 years…wife died about a year ago. I have long understood that, if I knew then what I know now…the axiom would read;

    “Tis better to rent than own…”

    • Replies: @sulu
    , @showmethereal
  44. sulu says:
    @elysianfield

    I had a time in college that I was dating a really hot blonde. She was probably too hot for me but she was from my hometown and we had first met as kids and we grew up together a long time before we hopped in bed so I thought our relationship was secure. She was a ballet dancer with a perfect body and face. Blue eyes, corn silk blonde hair, bubble butt with perfect legs and tits and a face that could grace any teen magazine. Yes, she did do some modeling. She was on tv but just commercials. We had both discussed marriage and children and the plan was for us to marry after I graduated and secured a good job. (I was very young.)

    Anyway it was finals week and as I was early for my final as was my want and I was listening to two guys talk about some girl their friend was fucking. After a few minutes it became very clear that the girl they were talking about was my blonde. I felt like I had just been kicked in the pit of my stomach. I had to go take my psychology final (of course) while in a very agitated state of mind.

    After the final I found her and confronted her about it and even though she denied it her denial was weak and I could see by the look on her face that she had been found out. I basically called her the cheating whore that she was and told her to go fuck herself and I never wanted to see her again.

    About a month later during summer break she phoned me and wanted to “talk.” I was still fairly torn up over it and I can’t now recall my true reason why I let her but I told her she could come and see me. Ten minutes after she arrived we were in bed and I got about four strokes before she pulled away from me and started crying while telling me, “This isn’t working.” I felt like saying to her, “Tell that to my cock.”

    I had obviously seen myself as the injured party so it took me a while to come to the conclusion that all of this must have hurt her also. To this day I don’t know if her plan was to fuck everyone she wanted and then marry me or if she was looking for someone better and I was the placeholder. All I know it the more I asked around about her the more I found out that she was basically fucking everybody. But since we were both taking a full course load I had accepted as natural that we just couldn’t spend as much time together as I had wanted.

    A few years after this her brother was getting married and as I was a good friend I was invited to the wedding. I purposefully drove to the wedding by myself because I figured she would be there and something between us may happen. Sure enough she was stag, like myself. At the time she was about 26 and still hot as hell. As the reception was winding down she approached me and asked me if I wanted to go somewhere and “talk.” I assumed this meant we were going to go have a drink or two and then probably end up in bed and screw like weasels on meth. Just as we were heading out the door together some guy caught her eye and said hi to her so she turned and started talking to him. By this time I was in my early thirties and had been around the world several times and probably had a couple hundred women under my belt. I looked at my watch and made a promise that I would give her one minute to finish talking to this guy and if she wasn’t finished I would leave. 60 seconds went by and she was still engaged in conversation so I turned and without saying a word to anyone I walked out the door without her. I still sometimes wonder how different my life might have turned out if I had waited for her.

    A few months ago a buddy of mine sent me a reasonably current picture of her. I hadn’t seen her in almost 30 years. It was basically from the neck up but that was all I needed. The formally perfect face was gone. Her eyes had the “thousand cock stare” and the beautiful ice blue was replaced by a faded blue that was a shadow of her former color. She had more wattles on her neck than a turkey farm and her once perfect teeth were now somehow moved around in her mouth so all her teeth were slightly crooked. Her once perfect skin was now blotchy with age spots and wrinkles were everywhere. In short she looked nothing like the perfect young thing I had known decades ago. And I came to the realization that catching her cheating was the best thing that could have happened to me.

    Even if she had not cheated on me in college and even if she had been a “perfect” wife I would still have to wake up to that every morning. No thanks. Staying single has been the best move I ever made in my life. And the kicker is I got more pussy and more variety than all of my married friends put together. And most of them are no longer married and are as lost as a wood tick on a bald mountain. almost all of them have had only a few lovers and apparently haven’t a clue how to deal with women.

    Oh, I would like to say I am sorry for your loss, but by the way you worded it, it sounded like it was more of a love/hate relationship.

    Sulu

    P.S. Sorry this ended up so long but as you might imagine it is somewhat cathartic for me to write. Suffice it to say this little blonde taught me all I needed to know about women. And in the many hundreds I have had since her I have had my negative opinion of women re-enforced by every damn one. Each time I think I couldn’t possibly have a lower opinion of women I find one that lowers it even more.

    • Replies: @Gordon K. Shumway
  45. sulu says:
    @restless94110

    A friend told me about Fred some 15 years ago. Back then Fred wrote well and his columns were quite entertaining and spot on about any subject he addressed. Then, about 5 or so years ago things started to slip. He started writing the most egregious drivel you could imagine. I at first assumed it was a fluke or perhaps too much alcohol. But as time went on I began to see that even though his writing was becoming nonsense it was self serving nonsense.

    Many of his columns began extolling the virtues of the Latino in particular and Mexican culture in general. It was kind of hard for me to see because I figured Mexican science reached its pinnacle with the invention of the tortilla. But Fred persisted in implying that Mexico was basically the full flower of human civilization. It became pretty obvious to me, and probably others, that Fred was blowing smoke up the ass of the Mexicans in the hopes that he wouldn’t have any trouble down in Old Mexico.

    Another thing about Fred is he claims to have bought the official story of 911, hook, line and sinker. He won’t write one story that even admits the possibility of 911 being an inside job. And to this day he has never, ever mentioned the “Dancing Israelis” and Israel’s probable involvement in 911. Either by pulling it themselves or as the “Dancing Israelis” indicate at least being aware it was coming and failing to notify American intelligence.

    All of this is also self serving because Fred knows that if he starts to raise uncomfortable questions about Jewish involvement in 911 he might just start having problems receiving his social security check, which probably forms a large portion of his retirement.

    This means that Fred can no longer be taken seriously as a real journalist because basically he’s not. He’s just an old soldier that wants nothing more than to go quietly into that great night so he has no intention of rocking the boat. His wars are behind him. As is his journalistic career.

    Sulu

  46. @sulu

    Time, alcohol, and nicotine can turn a once-nimble mind into a confused mess.

    • Agree: Sulu
  47. @sulu

    Your college sweetheart sounds like she did not take care of the physical gifts God gave her. It makes a huge difference as the decades pass. Jane Fonda, as hideous as she is under the skin, still looked beautiful in her 60s and 70s, and doesn’t look too bad in her 80s. Ditto Barbara Feldon and Raquel Welch (99 was still a 9 at 86). OTOH, heavy smoker Brigitte Bardot is unrecognizable. Smoker Bette Davis’s looks were gone at 50. Smoker and pill-popper Judy Garland’s looks were gone by 40.

    • Replies: @Sulu
    , @showmethereal
  48. Truth says:

    Ditto Barbara Feldon and Raquel Welch (99 was still a 9 at 86).

    Ooops. More like a hard 8.

  49. @sulu

    I first read Fred just over 8 years ago before coming to Mexico. I found his personal blog site probably while looking for ex-pat sutes, as this was long before I knew about Unz, and I was still fairly liberal then. I read some of his stuff and concluded that he appeared to be a kind of a miserable dickhead. I stopped reading him, and some years went by until I found Unz and noticed Fred was one of the columnists.

    A few of his columns are reasoned and knowledgeable, and I agree with you: it’s been about 5 years since he started getting wiggy to an extreme degree. His insane insistence that the reason people are against illegal & even legal immigration is due to white fear of brown people. His complete fail at reason, journalism, and science around 9-11, and several other topics are glaring in their stupidity.

    However, I disagree with your reasoning on why Fred is dead as a writer. First, gringos in Mexico are welcomed no matter what they say, think, or even do. The poorest gringo usually has more money to spend than many in Mexico. Fred doesn’t need to play nice with Mexico or Mexicans. He does so because Mexico is actually a pretty good country to be in and he has a family now there. And that’s a fact.

    Though when he attempts to “show the rubes” (i.e., us his readers) that Mexico has a navy or Mexico has an orchestra or etc., etc., etc., it makes him look like he’s trying to hard for nothing. People either get Mexico or they don’t, and nothing Fred writes is going to change anyone’s mind.

    Your other point about the fear of writing about 9-11 is also not really true. 9-11 has been so thoroughly painted as a confusing mass of conspiracy theories that no one pays attention to anyone writing on it at this point. So Fred is not afraid. No, he is clearly insane in his reasoning about this issue. Not just insane. Snarky. His columns on 9-11 talk down to us rubes (i.e., his readers) like some whacked out Mr. Rogers. He is an arrogant know nothing on this topic.

    Fred should stick to his love of Mexico, his knowledge of China, and some of his columns on the military. Anything else? Pure garbage.

    I don’t know if Fred was more with it 15 years ago, but he hasn’t been with much in a long long time.

    • Replies: @Sulu
  50. Sulu says:
    @Gordon K. Shumway

    If memory serves my old gf was a smoker at the age of 20. Most smokers are addicts and can’t stop smoking. Or at best quit in 40 years when it is too late and then they rationalize that they quit so everything is going to be ok.

    Sulu

  51. Sulu says:
    @restless94110

    Some of Fred’s early columns about S.E.A. that I am going to guess was written in the late 70’s or so are brilliant. His stuff of the last five years or so is tripe.

    I can’t speak about Mexico because it’s a country I have never been to. Maybe Fred just loves his “daughter” and gf and wants them to feel proud of their heritage. I don’t know. All I can say is Fred just isn’t what he used to be. But then again, who is?

    Sulu

    • Agree: Corrupt
  52. Truth says:

    All I can say is Fred just isn’t what he used to be. But then again, who is?

    You rang?

  53. @elysianfield

    True – though men’s testosterone is dropping generation by generation… And as they push women over men in the workplace now – females have less “need” of men. I wonder if that is why lesbianism seems more prevalent now….??

  54. @Gordon K. Shumway

    Look at his reference to “a thousand……” a woman who takes too many men over the years will eventually be worn out in more ways than one. “Beauty sleep” matters. You get that when you live a quiet life.

  55. I enjoy all Fred’s musings. But I really really miss his old writings with Uncle Hant, Jiffy Lube and the rest of the gang… that’s pure literary gold.

  56. @Timur The Lame

    What happened was that women discovered that they had the right to turn a relationship into retroactive prostitution.

  57. MEH 0910 says:
    @sulu

  58. MEH 0910 says:

    CROWNING MOMENT: 69th Miss Universe

    The 69th Miss Universe is Andrea Meza from Mexico.

    Learn more about the competition at http://www.missuniverse.com

  59. Corrupt says:
    @sulu

    Like the saying goes, you’re not paying the prostitute for sex, you’re paying her to leave after sex.

    • Replies: @Sulu
  60. The only real way to solve this issue is to marry a woman who makes alot more money than you do.
    then shes not after your money cause she has her own.

    I once lived with a girlfriend for about a year, we got along great, the sex was fantastic, I was only a couple of years past a divorce so I had zero interest in marrying her or anyone else.
    one day she just up and left with zero discussion. just left. 20 years later im visiting a family member in the hospital 500 miles away, and literally bump into her in the hall. she still looked good, we chatted for a little while and I learned she had just divorced from husband number FIVE.
    whew ! dodged that bullet.

  61. awry says:
    @Achmed E. Newman

    Unfortunately the site you linked seems unreachable (403 Forbidden) now. Wayback Machine has some snapshots of it though.

  62. Sulu says:
    @Corrupt

    Ha ha. Quite true.

    Sulu

  63. Dave C. says:
    @sulu

    The “no fault” divorce legal system, alimony, and child support did this to men, and wreked womens’ morality. Before, if a man was faithful and his wife was not, the court would side with him. No more.
    I know a very nice Christian couple who got divorced after a firefighter seduced the wife (meeting her out jogging). Knowing them fairly well I NEVER would have thought this could happen. So now, due to the court system the nice guy struggles to pay support for the wife and child for years. And the (dirtbag) firefighter dumped the wife.

    That is why many wealthy men (noteably Hollywood actors) do not get married any more. Better to support your children yourself, than have a court bleed you dry, and an ex-wife use the money for herself.

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